Clinical anecdotes

The Patient:

There was this guy in the hospital that was scheduled for surgery. On the morning of his operation he starts yelling that he wants coffee. The nurse comes in and asks him to be quiet, as he is disturbing the other patients. "But I've had coffee every morning for forty years and I want a cup of coffee NOW!" he screamed. The nurse quickly and silently counts to ten and replies, "Now sir, you realize thatyou are due to go into surgery in an hour and you can't have anything on your stomach. Couldn't you do without coffee just this once?" The guy starts to rant even more and the doctor comes in to see what is the matter with the patient. The nurse explains the situation to him and the doctor turns to the belligerent man in bed before him, "You understand that you can't have anything in your stomach before surgery, don't you?" "I don't care. I.Want. Some. Coffee!!!!" The doctor thinks for a minute and says,"Very well. I'll tell you what; the only way we can give you any coffee is through an enema. Would that make you happy?" The guy pauses and replies,"Well, if that's the only way I can get any coffee around here..." So the doctor tells the nurse to give the guy a coffee enema to keep him quiet.The nurse returns with an enema bag and a fresh pot of hot coffee. She pours itinto the bag, greases up the applicator and sticks it up the guy's ass."Ah, hot coffee!" the guy says with a satisfied tone. All of a sudden he starts into bitching and complaining again. "What's the matter this time?!" the exasperated nurse yells out. "It's too sweet!" the guy replies.

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The Dentist:

Then there's the woman who goes to the dentist. As he leans over to begin working on her, she grabs his balls. The dentist says, "Madam, I believe you've got a hold of my privates."The woman replies, "Yes. We're going to be careful not to hurt each other,aren't we?"

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The Doctor and the Nurse:

A doctor and a nurse just got married. As they were lying in bed one night, the doctor said to the nurse, "Honey, to avoid any problems, let's try the following system. When we go to bed at night, if you would like to have sex, pull at my penis one time....and if you don't want to have sex, pull at my penis 100 times!!"